


The story of us - Adil

by Sofy2801



Category: The Halcyon (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-04 18:39:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13370763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sofy2801/pseuds/Sofy2801
Summary: This is Adil's version of "The story of us" already narrated by Toby.With actual scenes from the TV show and other fanfic.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> The way I chose to let Adil tell his story is different from Toby.
> 
> In the prologue you'll know how...
> 
> There will aslo be and epilogue which won't be narrated in first person.
> 
> Enjoy!

It was a warm, sunny afternoon of the end of May.

Toby opened the windows to refresh the air. He was happy, definitely the happiest he had been in his life.

He finally managed to convince Adil to move living together in one of the properties his father left them, a very cozy house near Regents Park. It was perfect for them, with a modern kitchen that gave access to a small garden, a large living room with a corner for the dining table and a fireplace, a double bed room, a small studio and a fully equipped bathroom on the second floor.

Since Toby found out about this part of his heritage, he began to ask Adil to move there with him. It took him almost 5 months, but he finally reached is goal.

After the “accident” in December, he was very reluctant to let his lover sleep alone, but finding new excuses to sleep at his place or make him stay in his room at the Halcyon was becoming a challenge…so he decided that they should do what every other kind of couple would have done: living together.

When finally Adil said yes, Toby felt like a new opportunity was given to him: to live his life the way he wanted to, with the person he chose to live it with. And now, four days after the relocation, the smile he had on his face since the first night they spent together in their new home, was still plastered on his face.

He had a free afternoon, so he decided to set his books in the library in the small studio, waiting for Adil to come back home for dinner.

Amongst all his academic volumes and essays, and all his other books, he found something was sure didn’t belong to him. It seemed a book, there was no title, and when he opened it, it was clear that it was a diary. The handwriting was unmistakable, this was Adil’s private diary.

Toby closed it immediately.

He had no right to intrude in his man’s privacy by reading this…Adil had never mentioned it to him, maybe he wanted to keep it for himself.

But there were no secrets between them, now, right? Toby knew everything about all the D’Abberville affair and he had no reason to believe Adil had other kind of secrets…so it wasn’t wrong to read it…or not?  
For three times he opened it and closed it immediately, feeling guilty but extremely curious.

At the end, curiosity had the best…


	2. I met HIM....

I met HIM…I finally met the ONE I was waiting for. What I would give for my sister to be here right now! I need to tell someone what’s happened in my life, but I can’t tell any of my friends. Of course they don’t know about my preferences, and I want to keep my private life as private as possible.

So I decided to buy a diary, and write down about my feelings, like I would talk to my sister.

Toby Hamilton.

Of course, the most impossible and unreachable man in town.

My sister would say it’s love at first sight, like in all the romances she read when she was young. I’ve always told her these kind of things don’t happen in real life, that “true love” exists only in books. I bet she would laugh at me seeing how I’m upside down now…

It took me just a look, and I fell.

It’s been a week now.

I was preparing cocktails like almost every night at The Halcyon’s lounge, a job I really like, in a place I love, with people I get along very well. 

He entered the room, following his father, Lord Hamilton, and his twin, but elder brother Freddie, who serves in the Air Force.

I first thought he was completely out of place. I’m pretty good in reading people’s body language, it’s part of my job, and Toby Hamilton was definitely feeling not at ease in his formal outfit, with all the eyes turning to him and his brother.

He looked all around the lounge, like he was searching for help to get out a situation that was uncomfortable for him, and our eyes met. 

I froze, my stomach did a somersault and my heart accelerated his beat. I couldn’t stop but smile at him, something I would have never dared to do with my employer’s son whom I was seeing for the first time. But for some stupid reason I ignored at the time, I thought that maybe I could reassure him that there was at least a “friend” amongst all those strangers.

He smiled back, for just a second.

And I knew it was HIM, the man my sister told me I would found one day.

He’s gone now, he stayed just for a few days for his Easter break from university. But every evening he came to the lounge, ordered me a drink and sit in a corner, reading a book. And every evening I got to discover something more about him, more from the other staff than from him directly, since our conversation hasn’t gone beyond Toby telling me “Good evening” and “Goodbye”.

I can see he’s struggling with himself, there’s something bothering him, and I bet it has to do with his father, Lord Hamilton. He seems to relax only when he’s not around. He reads, always. Like hiding himself behind a book can protect him from the world he leaves in. He’s polite, but becomes immediately nervous if someone tries to build up a proper conversation with him, especially with girls and women. 

I’m sure there so much more hidden inside of him that waits to come out. He’s not just the younger brother, the boring intellectual who avoid social contacts.

Toby is more, and better, if only I could show him how special he is to me…

I don’t even know when I’ll be able to see him again. All I know is that I spend every night at the Halcyon, waiting for his beautiful face to appear, and give sense to my life.


	3. He's going to stay

He’s going to stay! I’m so indescribably happy!

You, my inanimate friend, know how hard it has been this year that passed from the first time I met Toby, months and months of absence, in which I could only remember and dream, and complain, and miss, waiting for those few days he would come back at the hotel.

You know, those have been the best days of the past year. And with every little conversation and look we shared, I fell deeper and deeper. But you also know that I’ve always thought Toby was out of reach.  
And now, finally, I can let the seed of hope blooming in my heart.

Lord Hamilton died, unexpectedly, few days ago. Freddie is the new Lord Hamilton. Lady Priscilla is going to live here.

And Toby too decided to live at the Halcyon, that means I will see him every day, and I’ll have the possibility to get closer to him and find out if my suspicions about him being like me are correct.

I’ve never indulged too much in that thought, not to let my expectations grow high, but, for men like me, reading the signs is a natural habit. We cannot flirt openly, we cannot take out our crush on a date. We only can do things in a subtle way, but before any move, we have to be completely sure the other man is like us, otherwise we risk to go to prison.

So that’s why I became pretty good at it. Not that I have had many experiences, but in my seven years out of home working as bartender, I’ve made a few.

There’s something about Toby Hamilton that makes me think this way, even if I’m pretty sure he hasn’t figured it out himself yet. Is not easy to come to terms with what you are, if it’s not what society considers as “normal”. 

For Toby is even worse, because of the family where he comes from and his background.

For sure, Lady Priscilla wants a wedding with an aristocratic girl and tons of nephews and nieces Hamilton…

Well, maybe she’ll get it from Freddie, but not from Toby, for what I see.

Sometimes, I catch him looking at me like I’m something he’s never seen, I feel…studied. He pretends to read a book in his usual corner of the lounge, but every time I look at him, trying to make it appear as casual as possible, he’s staring. And then immediately turns his look away, with that beautiful blush that makes his face even more attractive than it already is.

When there are girls around him, he always finds an excuse to leave, the only woman he likes to stay with is Ms Garland, but that’s pretty obvious since they’ve grown up together. I guess she’s like a sister, and the closest to a friend for him.

We have to build a sort of friendship, he has to trust me, so that I can slowly bring him to realise who he really is and what he really wants. I had to deal with this by myself, and I was quite young…it hadn’t been simple, but when I accepted it, I found the courage to tell my sister, and she just hug me, telling me I was really brave and that I should never give up or change who I am because of what the other people may think or say. 

I’de like to be for Toby what my sister has been for me, and more…I want to make him feel how special and beautiful and important he is, I want to make him discover that two men can love each other and feel the greatest pleasure even if someone says it’s against human nature. 

I simply want to love him, and give Toby everything he deserves and for sure had never got from his family.

Will I be ever able to do it?


	4. I'm so tired

I’m so tired, and upset and I almost reached the point of thinking to give up on him...

I knew from the start Toby Hamilton would have been a major challenge, but this is going beyond my imagination.

We are playing a game of back and forward, for every little step forward we take in our “relationship”, he then does something that brings us back to the starting point. And it’s been months now!

I’m sure he likes me. There’s no other reason to explain his behaviour: he searches a contact but gets immediately embarrassed by it. He comes to the lounge after dinner only when I’m there serving cocktails, he seats, waits for me to give him my full attention and orders, keeping his look fix on me the whole time I prepare his drink. I can feel his eyes on me even when I give him my back. And then, he brushes his fingers above mine, taking the glass.

The first time he did it, it took all my self control not to drag him closer to kiss him. But after that episode, I dared to send him coffee with the room service, believing we were finally reaching a turning point in our situation...and...he put me in place, telling me I crossed a line between us that shouldn’t be crossed.

I got the message, even if it broke my heart a little. He wasn’t ready.

But then he started to play, getting flirty one evening and keeping his distance the day after.

And it really gets on my nerves!

He’s playing with my feelings, that he perfectly knows are sweet about him, since I’ve made it quite clear.

Maybe he’s not even aware of this. I guess is not easy for him to accept all of this, but if he doesn’t even try...

So I decided to change my strategy.

You want to play, Mr. Hamilton? Let’s play then!

__________________________

Yesterday Ms. Garland came to ask me to bring some coffee up to Toby’s room...really, Mr. Hamilton? You’re using my same tactics?

I told her it was no problem, but I asked Tom to do the room service. 

Oh, what I would have paid to see Toby’s face when he found it wasn’t me!

He was clearly upset when he came to lounge in the evening, he seated in his usual corner, far from the bar, his arms crossed, waiting for me to go to him and ask for his drink. Which I didn’t. I firmly refused to serve, and even look at him for all the time he’s been there.

Seeing he didn’t get my attention, Toby stood up and left, blushing furiously when, with a last look, I finally met his eyes giving him a hard stare.

And today, he displayed his best puppies eyes, that could make me melt and fall at his feet...but not now, not in the point we are.

He has to come to terms with who he is and decide whether to accept it and deal with it or not. I made my moves, he knows now he can count on me. The ball is in his field, but I swear, if he doesn’t decide soon, I think I’ll be able to do something very risky to get out of this dead track we’re stuck in because of his fears.


	5. My dream had finally came true!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit longer than the others, and is mostly focused on Adil's past experiences.
> 
> I thought it was fair to let him talk about his past, to get to know him better.

My dream had finally came true!

Dear friend...it’s almost 2 a.m. but I can’t sleep. I need to let all my emotions get out of me, and maybe, if I see them written down, I can finally believe that’s actually happened: Toby and I, we are together!

This morning, I woke up with the feeling that I would have come back to you without a work and rejected from the man I love.

I kissed Toby yesterday...you know it too well, he brought me to a point in which I had to take a risk if I wanted to obtain something from him. 

Of course he run away after the kiss, and when I came to his room this morning, willing to give him my resignation and my excuses, I finally got an answer.

It wasn’t what I expected, and he chose some very strange words to admit his feelings, but the point is: we are a thing now.

He said he’d never made sense, until yesterday; he called me closer to adjust his tie, that he was too nervous to knot properly, and then he kissed me. The first time, was just a soft kiss, but then he felt reassured about my reaction, and he took my face in his hands, pulling me in for another kiss that I soon deepened, gaining a surprised moan from Toby when my tongue found his way to his mouth.

He just said “Wow...” and immediately started to kiss me again, sliding his hand on my back to pull me closer. The world stopped turning for me. I couldn’t believe I was actually kissing Toby Hamilton in his room! After all these months of craving this moment, it was even better than in my dreams. But the rational side of my me knew we couldn’t go on like this, Toby had to go to work.

“You were getting ready for work, weren’t you?” I asked him with a smirk

Toby sighed “I don’t want to go...”

“You’ll go to work, and I’ll go downstairs to start my shift”

Toby scoffed, still holding me tight, like I could evaporate from his embrace in every moment. 

“We’ll have time to stay together when you come back, if you want to”

“Of course, of course I want to! We’ve lost so much time due to my cowardice...I want to spend every moment I can with you now, I want to get to know everything about you”

I laughed “There’s not so much to know, I’m not that interesting”

“You are! At least for me...”

Toby was looking at me like he’d seen me for the first time. And maybe it was like this, in a certain way. Now, I wasn’t just the bartender he used to flirt with, I was something more, that he didn’t know how to name.

We agreed to meet in his room later, at 8 p.m. when he’ll have finished dinner with his mother and I would have finished my shift.

Well, I stayed there until 1 a.m.!

Toby did actually wanted to know everything about me, from my childhood in India, to the moment I discovered I liked boys, to my loving experiences, to how my life is here in a stranger country, far from my family, to which are my dreams for the future.

I told him that we would have ended all the possible topics for a future conversation if I would have answered all his questions tonight!

So I started with what I thought was more important in that moment: I told him how I discovered I was attracted to other boys. 

Jeevan was my cousin’s best friend. I’ve known him since I was a little child and I’ve always looked to him and my cousin as an example: they were 2 years older than me and they were like heroes to my childish eyes. He had always been very kind with me, and when we left to come to England, I realised that the thing I missed the most, was Jeevan. The first year and half in Bristol passed without thinking too much of him, getting accustomed to a completely new world, but then, he came to England with his family during the summer, to sign up for Oxford. We spent a lot of time together, and one afternoon, when we were alone taking a walk by the sea, he kissed me. My first kiss...and the first time someone other than my mother or my sister told me I was beautiful.

We spent the summer kissing and flirting, but when he started university, he disappeared. We met occasionally during the years he spent here studying, but we never talked about what happened between us.

I have always thanked him for giving me the possibility to realise who I was and who I liked, but he’s never meant anything to me.

Then we moved to Liverpool were my father found better possibilities for his import-export activity. I finished school and I started to work as waiter, during the summer, in the cafè-restaurant of a big park in the city. This is where I met who I think is my first love: Nicholas. He was three years older than me, perfectly beautiful with his curly blond hair, dark green eyes hungry for life and a contagious smile that made my heart beat faster every time I saw it.

It turned out, he was the son of the family where my mother worked two days a week to help Nicholas’ mother. They were very rich, but not aristocratic, and very friendly and open-minded people. They invited us one Sunday to have lunch together, and mine and Nic’s sisters became immediately best friends. When we finished lunch, the group dissolved: my father was playing cricket with Nic’s, my little brother was busy with their dog, women got inside the house to chat and cook.   
Nic brought me to the tree house his father built when he was a child. He still used to go there when he wanted to stay alone. And that became our place, the place where we first kissed, where we first made love, where he told me to go and pursuit my dream of taking a class to became bartender...and where he told me he was leaving. When he became of age, eight months after our meeting, he decided he wanted to explore the world, and search for his place in it, that for sure wasn’t Liverpool. It hurt, even if I knew that moment would come, Nic was too curious and too energetic to think he would stay forever.

“Were you in love with him?” Toby asked.

“Well...yes, I guess. Like an eighteen years old inexperienced boy can be!”

A shadow crossed his eyes.

“You are my first, you know...I’ve never felt something special for anyone before you”

“I feel so honoured by this. But Toby, please, don’t compare yourself with other men I’ve been with. You are you, and it’s a completely different thing. What I feel and what I can have with you has nothing to do with my past experiences”

He seemed to relax at my words. I know he’s spent all his life being compared, usually with a negative accent, to his brother. But for me, Toby’s incomparable, and I will spend every day from now on to demonstrate it.

He told me I have to teach him everything, and be patient because it’s all new to him.

Well, it’s all new to me too, it’s the first time I can say I’m actually in love, and the first time I’m the experienced one.

I’m so excited! You’re lucky, my friend, not to be real, otherwise I would keep you up all night to talk about how happy I am...but my hand is tired of writing, and I have to try to sleep somehow. I guess tomorrow I’ll have another after work talking session with Mr. Hamilton...


	6. He's mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay...it's a very busy period, but I promise I'll finish the story during the week.
> 
> I think there are just a couple of chapters left after the two I'm publishing today.
> 
> Enjoy! ;-)

He’s mine, mine completely…and I can’t describe how happy I am.

We made love, for the first time, and it has been the most perfect and beautiful moment of my life.

I got to work today after a very difficult night, with a bomb that dropped pretty near the building where I live that killed everyone inside a shelter. It was like living in a nightmare: sirens, people running and screaming all over the neighbourhood…

Ms Garland was waiting for me, and it was strange to see her relaxed expression when she saw me entering the staff’s door. Was she that worried about me? But then she told me to go up to Mr. Hamilton’s room before starting my shift, for he needed a special room service that required me, specifically…she was smiling widely while saying this, and I understood that she knew. 

When I knocked at Toby’s door, he practically dragged me inside, pushing me against the wall to kiss me like he thought we could never meet again.

And that was the truth, he was worried I was dead in that shelter.

Oh, my friend, you should have seen him…I was sure I couldn’t love him more that I already did, but seeing him so tense and scared of losing me, made my love for him growing to an extent that almost made my heart explode.

We kissed, then I made him sit and I started to pass my hand through his hair, holding him against my belly, to calm him and reassure him that I was there, and I wasn’t going anywhere. When he calmed, he looked up to me and asked “Make love to me, Adil, please…I want you”.

I was waiting for that moment since our first proper kiss. I’ve waited patiently for him to be ready, I’ve given him time to come to terms with the new world of being together with another man. I taught him things about his body that he wasn’t aware of, I’ve told him a thousand times that his naked body is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. During these weeks we’ve spent together, he’s slowly began to open himself to me, to put his shyness aside when we were alone, to relax and enjoy the pleasure of the moment. But I knew I should wait for him to tell me when was the moment to take a step forward.

It was Toby’s first time, and he chose me to have it. It had to be special for him.

And I guess it had been…

I blush only at the memory of it…

I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a wonderful man in my life, but I swear I’ll do anything to make him happy, to show him how special he is and to protect him.

I love him, I love with all my heart and I told it to Toby tonight, when he was sleeping peacefully after another round of sex…he’s probably not ready to hear it, and for sure he’s not ready to say it back, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll wait, the moment will come.


	7. I'm feeling so bad

I’m feeling so bad.

I’m an horrible person. I’m trying to convince myself that I’m doing all of this to protect Toby and my family, but I know is wrong, completely wrong.

I suspected we weren’t safe with that Mr. D’Abberville. He looked too friendly with Toby, when he went to talk to him after he saw us.

You know it my friend, I’ve already told you I didn’t like him, the way he was acting with Lady Priscilla, that deceptive smile…and when he told Toby everything was fine, that he wasn’t going to report us, I knew something was wrong. But Toby seemed so relieved and he needed to be reassured that we were safe, that I didn’t share my doubts with him.

And here I am. My suspicions were true.

A couple of days after telling Toby not to worry, he came to me, threating to report us, to have my family deported and Toby exposed to a public scandal that I’m sure he’ll never be able to face. He wanted me to steal documents from Toby’s office, that he usually brings home to work also in the evening.

He knew I had no choice…

Every day is worst, D’Abberville is intensifying his requests and every time I lie to Toby to have the chance to take a paper from his bag, I feel like I’m not only betraying him, but like I’m slowly killing him.

I have no arms to face this situation, I cannot ask for help without telling the truth, but in this case the truth cannot be told, otherwise there will be bad consequences.

What can I do?

Sometimes, I wish Toby will found out, so that I can take this weight off of my heart. I’ll probably lose him, but at least I’ll stop feeling guilty and dirty and undeserving of his love.  
If I’d be braver, I’d tell him and we’ll face this together, but I’m a coward…the truth is that I’m too scared of what might happen to me, my family and Toby to stop this thing.

There are no excuses, I’m a traitor, and I really hope something will happen to get me out of this situation that’s making tense, and nervous.

Why can’t we stay together, like every other couple do? Why loving a person of the same gender is considered a crime? Why did it has to happen to us? To my wonderful, fragile and precious Toby, who deserves only the best? 

Toby…Toby…if I knew something like this would happen, I would have ever put you in danger, I would have loved you from a distance, keeping you safe. 

Please, please, whoever is there in heaven, look down, and make something happen to end this!


	8. That's the end

That’s the end.

I’m exhausted and have no more energies left to fight…I give up. 

Toby hates me, he told me that he was disgusted by what we’ve done, that there’s no place for me in his life, and from the look in his eyes, I can tell he meant it. He wasn’t just upset because of the situation I put him in with D’Abberville, he really doesn’t want anything to do with me.

I feel like the whole world crushed down on me.

I know what I did to him is unforgivable, but I thought that the feeling between us was stronger than the anger that he properly felt towards me for my betrayal.

Clearly, Toby doesn’t love me the way I do, actually, he doesn’t love me at all.

What I fool I’ve been to think a man like him could love someone so distant from his world…

There’s no use to think about it now, it’s over.

I just want to say goodbye and thank you, my paper friend.   
I don’t want to destroy you, you’re a part of me, but I have to hide you in a very secure place. If someone will ever find out about you, Toby could be in danger. And even if he denied me, I can’t stop loving him with all my heart, and what I’ve planned to do is the only thing I can do to protect him.

I wrote him a letter to say goodbye, I hope he’ll read it, but I’m pretty sure he’ll rip it up without even opening it.

I also wrote to my family, I don’t think they’ll ever be able to understand the reason of my decision, except for my sister who knows me better than anyone. 

I’ll miss them, a lot, but my life without Toby Hamilton in it has no sense to me. I’ll do him a favour, make what he asked me to: I’ll disappear, forever.

Thank you, my diary. 

Goodbye.


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is finished, I hope you liked it.
> 
> Now, I have to reorganise all the ideas I have for my favourite couple and decide which one can be developed in a story...
> 
> See you soon!

Adil called for Toby three times before deciding he could be only in one place: the studio. There could be only one reason for Toby not to answer him: he was reading!

“Toby?”

Adil asked while entering silently the room, not to scare him.  
Toby jumped up from the armchair, tears appearing in the corner of his eyes, holding a small book to his chest.

“What’s…”

Adil stopped, recognising the book immediately. It was his diary. He hid it amongst Toby’s books, and he planned to take it and hide it somewhere. But he hadn’t been quick enough…

“It’s my diary?”

Toby nodded, unable to speak.

“And you read it?”

Another nod.

“All?”

“I’m sorry, so sorry…I shouldn’t have…”

Adil let out a sigh, he was somehow relieved Toby found it, and read it. He put his soul in it, showing all his feelings and emotions, and the diary could help Toby to better understand him, because there were things in it he wasn’t able to explain in spoken words.

And maybe this could give them an excuse to properly talk about what happened in December and finally get over it, definitively.  
They’ve never actually done it. Adil was still thinking that he didn’t deserved Toby’s love, because of what he did under D’Abberville’s threat, but, at the same time, he was still hurt by his cruel words the day he tried to kill himself. Even if Toby told him he didn’t mean them, even if all his actions and words showed that he truly loves him.

“Are you angry?”

“No, not at all”

They stayed quiet for a minute, then Adil walked close to Toby, took the diary away from him and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. Toby smiled, hesitantly. 

“We have to talk, Toby, about what happened. So now, we’re going to prepare some sandwiches, and have a pic nic dinner in the park. It’s a wonderful evening and I want to spend it with my man”

“It’s a great idea”

“Let’s go then”

Adil began to reach he door, but Toby stopped him, taking his hand, intertwining their fingers.

“We’re fine, right, Adil?” he asked with a hint of concern in his voice.

Adil smiled, caressing Toby’s face softly.

“Of course, of course we are fine. And we’ll be even better after tonight, I promise”

“I love you Adil”

“I love you too, Toby”


End file.
